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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23327869">Fierce as the Grave</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeanRH/pseuds/DeanRH'>DeanRH</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Castiel's Handprint (Supernatural), First Time, Getting Together, M/M, Praise Kink, Wings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 05:46:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,353</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23327869</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeanRH/pseuds/DeanRH</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Castiel have been dancing around each other for years. The tension finally breaks, but the cost to Castiel might be more than Dean is willing to pay.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>138</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It happened in a little motel off I-95.</p>
<p>Not a lot of these little mom-n-pop places left these days, since road life had taken a turn for the tourist. But Dean was a creature of habit and refused to check into any of the fancy new places along the road. Sam's whining finally got to him and he'd said <em>fine, you stay in one then! </em></p>
<p>Sam's smug texts about the indoor swimming pool and gluten-free buffet weren't getting to him. They <em>weren't.</em></p>
<p>But Cas -- always Cas, loyal Cas, had joined him instead of Sam.</p>
<p>Some childish sibling rivalry inside him had stuck his tongue out at his brother when Cas chose him.</p>
<p>All right, he might have <em>actually </em>stuck his tongue out at his brother.</p>
<p>"Real mature, Dean," said Sam. "Aren't you forty years old?"</p>
<p>"Shut up," said Dean, and that was the end of that conversation.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, life in the motel room wasn't all wine and roses. Without Sam to play mediator, the shouting had started up again.</p>
<p>"You could've gotten yourself killed! <em>Again!</em>"</p>
<p>"I know what I'm doing, Cas! This is my fucking <em>job, </em>don't -- hey!"</p>
<p>Cas had valiantly hid himself in the bathroom.</p>
<p>"Don't go in there, I'm not done talking to you! And I <em>know </em>you don't need the bathroom!"</p>
<p>Dean shoved the door open to see Castiel, hands on the sink, head bowed in front of the mirror.</p>
<p>"Don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you!"</p>
<p>"You're not talking, Dean, you're <em>yelling --</em>"</p>
<p>"<em>Damn it, Cas --</em>"</p>
<p>Dean grabbed the back of his trenchcoat, trying to pull him around, but it was like trying to manhandle a marble statue. Castiel turned to him, eyes all blue fire, and --</p>
<p>The world stopped moving.</p>
<p>Suddenly, they were kissing, mouths on each other, hot and fast and hard, their teeth bruising each other as if they couldn't get close enough. Dean was moaning into Castiel's mouth like something inside him had broken, was broken, and he was wailing into Castiel as if the angel was the only one who could heal him.</p>
<p>Perhaps that was the truth of it all, in the end.</p>
<p>They clawed at each other, both snarling at the sheer volume of clothing they both wore, until the trenchcoat was on the floor and that tie was undone, the buttons of his shirt were broken and Dean had touched and tasted his fill.</p>
<p>He unzipped his jeans, and one look into the mirror at Castiel's kiss-swollen lips, the wild look his eyes, and that sure, quiet nod --</p>
<p>Dean had never felt so impatient in his life, like it was all going to be over before it began. He felt like he was on fire, like someone had cursed him, the molten-lava need taking him over in a terrifying desire that opened in front of him like a chasm.</p>
<p>He didn't prep Castiel like he should have, it was cursory and incomplete, but whatever was guiding him now was larger than them both. He thrust inside Castiel with a loud, long shout, nearly collapsing over the angel, droplets of water falling from the sink onto the skin of his bare back and ass.</p>
<p>Their eyes met again, in the mirror. Dean felt like he was insane.</p>
<p>"<em>God, </em>I've wanted you like this," Dean grit through his teeth as he fucked into Castiel. "So fuckin' long, Cas, I've wanted -- <em>ugh -- just like this --</em>"</p>
<p>Castiel's eyes, in the mirror, were wide and blue.</p>
<p>But if Dean thought he was dominant in their coupling, or that he was teaching Castiel anything, he was sorely mistaken.</p>
<p>In an instant, they were somewhere soft, and white and gold.</p>
<p>Cas, now <em>Castiel, </em>suddenly the great and glorious angel of the Lord, stood confident beside him. A single motion vanished the rest of his clothing, and Dean was bared to Castiel's curious gaze.</p>
<p>A jar of oil appeared in his hand, which he poured onto Dean's back.</p>
<p>Somehow, Dean did not, could not, question any of this, and simply let Castiel do as he pleased.</p>
<p>He wondered at this, for a moment, but the sense of <em>safety </em>and <em>happiness </em>that flowed through him gave him the kind of comfort only felt in the best and purest dreams.</p>
<p>Besides. This was <em>Cas. </em>No matter how often they fought, Dean trusted him with anything.</p>
<p>With everything.</p>
<p>Dean panted, huge swallowing gasps as his body bowed in the golden gleam of the oil.</p>
<p>
  <em>Warm. Loved. Utterly.</em>
</p>
<p><em>It's too big, </em>he thought wildly, just as he'd said to Cas about the apocalypse all those years ago.</p>
<p>Another time, he'd have laughed at the wording.</p>
<p>Now, he felt that this was his own private apocalypse. The end of himself, as he knew himself, as Castiel bathed him in a love beyond human comprehension.</p>
<p>He was so hard he couldn't think, more animal than man now, as the beautiful, perfect form of his lover approached him.</p>
<p>"<em>Please, </em>Cas," whined Dean, though he didn't really know what he was asking for.</p>
<p>"Shhh, beloved," Castiel gentled him, the palm of his hand smoothing across his back, making Dean cry out and writhe in delicious agony. It felt like trails of stars along his skin. "Soon."</p>
<p>Castiel rubbed more of the warm oil on him, across all of him, as Dean begged and whimpered in mindless desperation in a way he would never admit aloud to anyone.</p>
<p>
  <em>But I'm safe, here. This is Cas.</em>
</p>
<p>"Beautiful," whispered Castiel, whose composure was shaken; Dean could tell, in the fine tremors of his voice. "Turn over, my love."</p>
<p>Dean did as he was told with speed he could not merit. He stared up at Castiel, at his strong body, his wide shoulders, and the deep midnight-black of his wings.</p>
<p>
  <em>Blue. Blue. Blue. I'm drowning.</em>
</p>
<p>Castiel just <em>stared, </em>as those enormous wings arched up and out, a show of dominance and possession. Dean wanted to snark, to tease, to make fun, anything but this strange laid-bare feeling, to turn away from the love Castiel was pouring out for him now.</p>
<p>Then Castiel kissed him, and everything was honey-sweet, soft; Dean was pliant, and ready for his lover, inebriated by his kisses. He came to himself to find Castiel already sheathed deep inside of him, fucking into him with a confident rhythm. He moaned, only wishing he hadn't missed that first feeling of being speared apart, but Castiel owned him body and soul in ways Dean hadn't known it was possible to possess another person.</p>
<p><em>He's not a person, </em>thought Dean. </p>
<p>"Beautiful," whispered Castiel, as if it were the only word he knew. </p>
<p>He ran a thumb along Dean's skin, just under his eyes. He tasted the salt of his tears, and smiled, never letting up or changing the slow, confident speed of his thrusts. He knew Dean belonged to him, could never belong to any other, and he fucked him with the confidence of one who knows he possesses another completely, and can take his time.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry," said Dean, embarrassed.</p>
<p>"Never apologize to me," said Castiel. "Everything you are is beautiful to me, Dean. Your tears are beautiful, too."</p>
<p>Dean could feel himself reddening with humiliation and shame. He wanted to be owned by Castiel, he wanted to be held down and fucked and <em>loved, </em>although he was far more likely to admit the former than the latter. Kink could be explained away. The hole in his heart he wanted filled, not so much.</p>
<p>And yet, here was Castiel, filling his heart to overflowing. It was <em>intense</em>, and it was everything he never knew he needed.</p>
<p>"I anoint you with oil," murmured Castiel, "You are worthy, Dean Winchester. You are everything. In all these worlds, you are my universe."</p>
<p>Dean wanted to protest, and the words were there, on the tip of his tongue. He tried, he really did; reaching for anything that might push this away.</p>
<p>
  <em>It's too big.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Too much.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I --</em>
</p>
<p>He nearly <em>screamed </em>his release, pathetic against Castiel's chest, the angel's strength and dominance too much for him.</p>
<p>Castiel sighed, swiping a finger through his spend, cooling on his stomach, and tasted him again.</p>
<p>"<em>Dean,</em>" he said, and was suddenly thrusting into him erratically, gripping his hips and making sure he stayed in place until his mouth dropped open and a blue light crackled from his eyes. "<em>Dean!</em>"</p>
<p>Dean felt his cock twitch inside him as Castiel came, mumbling obscenities and Enochian, then kissing him, again and again, on his neck, shoulders, nose, cheeks.</p>
<p>"I love you," Castiel said. "I love you. I love you."</p>
<p>Dean didn't respond. Sure, he'd heard that from women over the years. Sometimes it was truer than others.</p>
<p>What Castiel meant, though -- it was something so huge, so infinite, that Dean could do nothing but stare at the ceiling and let Castiel kiss him. He didn't know what to do with so much love. He'd never known anything like it. He doubted most humans had never experienced anything like it, either.</p>
<p>He wasn't sure human beings were meant to survive such an onslaught.</p>
<p><em>Maybe this is why it's forbidden, </em>he thought. <em>Too much of a good thing. It's overwhelming.</em></p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Dean came to again some time later.</p>
<p>He didn't know if it had been minutes, or hours.</p>
<p>But time seemed to move differently in that place, wherever Castiel had taken them.</p>
<p>It was dark outside, and Cas was gone.</p>
<p>Dean sat up from the bed, smiling, <em>really smiling</em>, for the first time in a long time.</p>
<p>"Nice try."</p>
<p>Dean's gun was in his hand so quickly he nearly got a shot off before he realised who was talking to him.</p>
<p>"Billie."</p>
<p>"Dean."</p>
<p>"Where's Cas?"</p>
<p>"I'm here with a message," she said. "Not that it will do you much good."</p>
<p>"Oh yeah?" asked Dean. "And what's that?"</p>
<p>"Your <em>angel </em>may not have mentioned it," said Billie. "But he's in The Empty."</p>
<p>Dean blanched.</p>
<p>"He's <em>what</em>?"</p>
<p>"Don't say I never did anything for you."</p>
<p>"Wait!" said Dean. "How --"</p>
<p>"He made a deal," Billie said. "If he was ever truly happy, the Empty would come for him."</p>
<p>Dean stared at her.</p>
<p>"And I'm guessing he thought he would never get the thing that would make him happy," said Billie. "Never thought you'd get over yourself. Glad to see you've evolved. A little. See you around, Dean."</p>
<p>"Billie!" said Dean, anguished. "How do I get him back?"</p>
<p>Billie raised an eyebrow at him.</p>
<p>"You don't," she said. "Call it a kindness, on my part. So you didn't worry. Or do anything <em>stupid</em>. Now you know. Least you know you made him happy."</p>
<p>"But--"</p>
<p>"I have other responsibilities, Dean," said Billie. "My condolences on your loss."</p>
<p>And she was gone.</p>
<p>Dean stared at the place where she had been standing.</p>
<p>He put away his gun.</p>
<p>Then he pressed the heel of his hand to his eyes.</p>
<p>
  <em>Tears.</em>
</p>
<p>"Goddamnit, Cas, you stupid son of a bitch," he said, but there was a sob in it, more than anger.</p>
<p>He sat down on the bed, dumbstruck.</p>
<p>Suddenly, a terrible pain shot down his arm.</p>
<p>"Ow!" he yelled. "What the <em>fuck</em>?"</p>
<p>He rolled up his sleeve to look at that age-old handprint scar. He'd nearly forgotten it was there.</p>
<p>It was glowing, pink and red.</p>
<p>He stared at it for a while.</p>
<p>He rubbed his hands on his jeans, and felt something in one of the pockets.</p>
<p>Confused, he pulled out the paper.</p>
<p>
  <em>Song of Solomon 8.6</em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>"Yeah, Dean, what is it?" </p>
<p>Sam's voice was sleepy.</p>
<p>"You gotta look up a Bible verse for me."</p>
<p>"Can't it wait until morning?" asked Sam, grumpy.</p>
<p>"Cas is missing," Dean said.</p>
<p>"What?" Now Sam was awake.</p>
<p>"Billie was here," said Dean. "Said that in a moment of <em>perfect happiness, </em>The Empty would take him."</p>
<p>"Why?"</p>
<p>"He made a deal. You know how good we are with those."</p>
<p>Sam sighed.</p>
<p>"Too well," he said. "OK, what verse?"</p>
<p>"Song of Solomon 8.6."</p>
<p>Dean listened impatiently as Sam rummaged around on the other end of the phone.</p>
<p>"Okay, got it."</p>
<p>"What's it say?"</p>
<p>"<em>Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the LORD</em>."</p>
<p>There was silence.</p>
<p>"Sam?"</p>
<p>"Yeah?"</p>
<p>"Get packed. We're going to bring him home."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Where are we going, Dean?"</p><p>Sam was still rubbing his eyes and yawning as Dean tore up I-95 on his way somewhere, he didn't know where, he just knew that he needed to <em>go.</em></p><p>"You don't understand, Sam," said Dean through gritted teeth.</p><p>"Then explain it to me," said Sam. "You're acting <em>completely insane!"</em></p><p>"Yeah, well, you'd be insane too if you --" said Dean before he could clamp down on his traitor tongue.</p><p>Sam was suddenly wide awake.</p><p>"Oh my God," he said. "Oh my <em>God! </em>You and Cas! Finally!"</p><p>"What the hell do you mean, finally?" </p><p>"Oh, nothing, just <em>Hello, Dean </em>and <em>Dean and I do share a more profound bond</em> and, and, and for <em>years</em>."</p><p>"What, you <em>knew</em>?"</p><p>"Of course I knew! <em>Not marriage, or whatever, but something? With someone who understands the life</em>?"</p><p>"That was about Cas?" Dean said.</p><p>"Yeah, Dean, who the hell else?" Sam said, running his hands through his hair. "Okay, what happened? No details! Just, uh, broad str -- uh, general. Things."</p><p>Dean was quiet, then shook his head.</p><p>A full-body shiver ran through him as he thought of Cas, possessive and powerful, and the way he had whined his own release and his own weakness against his chest, and Cas was there to catch him.</p><p>"Love," said Dean.</p><p>"I'm sorry, did you just say <em>love</em>?" said Sam, staring at his brother.</p><p>"More love than I've ever felt," said Dean, his voice going husky. "It was -- God, Sam. So much. Overwhelming."</p><p>Sam smiled.</p><p>"If you mention this to <em>anyone</em> I'm going to kick your ass."</p><p>"Okay, I swear," said Sam. "But how are we going to get him back?"</p><p>"I don't know, Sammy," said Dean. "But I'm driving til I figure it out."</p><p>There was silence in the car after that, just the purr of Baby's motor.</p><p>Dean could <em>sense </em>Sam's little smirk before he turned to confirm it was there.</p><p>"Out with it," said Dean.</p><p>Sam was struggling against the smile now.</p><p>"Dean Winchester cries his way through sex," he said triumphantly.</p><p>"Shut up."</p><p>"Dean Winchester --"</p><p>"<em>Shut up.</em>"</p><p>***</p><p>Dean drove on through the night, the late hour mercifully getting to Sam, who was now snoring softly against the passenger side window.</p><p>Alone with his thoughts, Dean could only replay again and again what had happened between him and Castiel.</p><p>
  <em>God, it was like -- like he'd had everything ready, like he'd just been <b>waiting </b>--</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Castiel, Heaven's strategist and its greatest tactician.</em>
</p><p>"Son of a bitch," said Dean out loud, startling Sam awake.</p><p>"Huh? What? What's going on?" asked Sam.</p><p>"He <em>knew, </em>Sam," said Dean. "Who knows how long he'd been waiting? Set me up, the smug bastard."</p><p>"Are you complaining?" asked Sam, rubbing his face. "Seriously, Dean, <em>I </em>tried to give you hints, push you in his direction, but you're so damned emotionally constipated --"</p><p>"All right, all right," said Dean. "I gotta <em>find </em>him Sam, we have to <em>fix this.</em>"</p><p>"Okay," said Sam. "Then let's go over what happened. You said your scar hurt?"</p><p>"More than hurt," clarified Dean. "<em>Glowed. </em>Kind of like the Mark did, but different. Nicer."</p><p>"You said it hurt," said Sam. "Okay, don't want details on that either. The point is, the Impala is getting us nowhere near the Empty. We gotta think this through instead of driving around aimlessly all night long."</p><p>"What's your suggestion?"</p><p>"Pull over."</p><p>So Dean did. Sam got out of the car and Dean followed, into a light mist of rain.</p><p>"Damn, it's cold," said Dean. "This better be good."</p><p>"Look, I can't be sure," said Sam, "but I think that thing about the seal on your arm and heart is the key here."</p><p>"Sure, so Cas can call me, but what does that have to do with getting to him?"</p><p>"In theory, that's a piece of Cas's grace," said Sam. "So maybe if you put your hand on it, you'll get pulled to wherever he is?"</p><p>"The Empty?" Dean demanded. "Damn, Samuel, that's suicidal, even for you!"</p><p>Sam held his gaze.</p><p>"You got a better idea?"</p><p>Dean shrugged.</p><p>"It's cold," he said. "I guess it doesn't hurt to try. Here goes nothin'."</p><p>He rolled up his sleeve and placed the palm of his hand over the scar.</p><p>He looked at Sam.</p><p>"I don't think --"</p><p>He heard Sam's shout just as the world blinked out of existence.</p><p>***</p><p>"Hm," said a voice.</p><p>Dean looked up into inky darkness.</p><p>But there was Cas!</p><p>"Cas!" he shouted, relieved.</p><p>"I don't think so," said Cas.</p><p>In a weird voice, one that Dean had never heard before.</p><p>"Where's Cas, you bastard?" Dean demanded.</p><p>This Cas <em>tch</em>ed at him.</p><p>"<em>This </em>is what constitutes happiness for an ancient warrior of God?" sighed this new Castiel. "Well. I can't say I've ever understood any of those strange little creations that are <b><em>supposed to be SLEEPING!</em>"</b></p><p>The bellow echoed in Dean's ears before it subsided into little echoing rings. Dean clapped his hands over his ears, as if it would do much good.</p><p>"I think your kind calls me The Empty," said the thing wearing Castiel's face. "And while there is a certain poetry to your coming here and damning yourself, I'm afraid you'll be spending eternity alone -- and so will he. You'll never see each other again."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"A trade."</p>
<p>Dean whipped around to see Sam standing behind him.</p>
<p>"What the hell are you doing here?" he hissed. </p>
<p>"I wasn't going to let you save Cas on your own!" Sam hissed back.</p>
<p>"Fascinating," said The Empty.</p>
<p>"I'll trade myself," said Sam, his voice growing stronger. </p>
<p>Dean put his arm across his brother's chest.</p>
<p>"No," he said. "No trades! No deals!"</p>
<p>"Dean, I've got nothing left to do here," said Sam. "Now that you and Cas are --"</p>
<p>Dean rolled his eyes.</p>
<p>"That doesn't mean we don't need <em>you, </em>dumbass," said Dean. "<em>I </em>need you."</p>
<p>Sam sighed, and Dean could hear the shaky sound of tears in his voice.</p>
<p>"You're my brother, Sammy," he said. "That's forever. Got it?"</p>
<p>Sam nodded.</p>
<p>"Got it."</p>
<p>They turned to The Empty.</p>
<p>"First of all," said Dean, "You don't get to use his face."</p>
<p>"<em>His face</em>?" sneered The Empty. "This isn't his face, Dean Winchester. Tell me, would you be here, harrowing this place, if you saw it?"</p>
<p>Suddenly, behind the figure of Cas-who-wasn't-Cas, rose an impossible nightmare-creature, thousands of feet high. Enormous wings, multiple animal heads, so many arms, and eyes, Dean couldn't really take it in at once. </p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>Dean.</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>The word reverberated through him, and the handprint scar ached. The creature before him gasped and cringed away, hiding its form behind its many-eyed wings.</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>Dean, I never wanted you to see me this way.</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>"Yes," said Dean softly, and then louder. "Yes, I will always find Castiel. He razed Hell to find me."</p>
<p>
  <em>Castiel. Can you hear me?</em>
</p>
<p>A flash of blue, and the huge wings seemed to ripple.</p>
<p>
  <em>Castiel. We're bringing you home.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>i love you.</em>
</p>
<p>The creature that was Castiel seemed to sit up.</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>Dean.</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>"What would your dad be thinking now?" asked The Empty, now in the form of John Winchester. "His son, not only <em>gay</em> but with <em>a monster?</em>"</p>
<p>"Cas isn't a monster," said Dean. </p>
<p>"And how many other things have you killed that were loved, the way that you love him?" asked the thing with John Winchester's face. "How many other things weren't really monsters? Angels, demons, Bible verses --"</p>
<p>Dean stopped dead in his tracks.</p>
<p>"That's it," he said. </p>
<p>"What is?" asked Sam.</p>
<p>"My kingdom is as great," recited Dean. "My will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom is as great."</p>
<p>The Empty stared at him.</p>
<p>"Dean, that's not the Bible, that's from <em>Labyrinth,</em>" whispered Sam.</p>
<p>"Shh, go with it, Sam!" Dean whispered back.</p>
<p>"Now what?" asked The Empty, tired.</p>
<p>"Look, you want to go back to sleep?" asked Dean. "Tired of being woken up by all these people? Well I can guarantee you that there will be more and more of us. So what do you say to sending all the angels back topside?"</p>
<p>The Empty stared at him.</p>
<p>"Aren't they your enemies?" he asked. </p>
<p>"Like you said," Dean told him. "Maybe not all of them are monsters."</p>
<p>"Hmm," said The Empty. "You make a good case. I haven't had a wink of sleep since your angel arrived."</p>
<p>The Empty thought for a while, and then snapped its fingers.</p>
<p>"You agree that you <em>never </em>come back here?" said The Empty.</p>
<p>"That's the deal," said Dean.</p>
<p>"Deal," nodded Sam.</p>
<p>Everywhere, across the blackness, strange creatures were rising.</p>
<p>"I sure hope you know what you're doing," murmured Sam.</p>
<p>"Me, too," said Dean.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Between one moment and the next, Dean and Sam were standing outside the Impala in the rain.</p>
<p>"Do you think it worked?" asked Sam.</p>
<p>"Dean?"</p>
<p>They turned to see a familiar outline, Castiel in his trenchcoat.</p>
<p>"Aren't you a sight for sore eyes," said Dean, going in for a hug.</p>
<p>But Castiel pushed him away.</p>
<p>Dean's mouth dropped open. Hurt and rejection warred inside him.</p>
<p>"Can we just get in the car?" asked Castiel.</p>
<p>"Uh. Sure, buddy," said Dean.</p>
<p>Sam gave Dean a look of concern and pity that he could've really done without.</p>
<p>It was raining, and cold, so they climbed into the Impala and drove toward Lebanon.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Sam, in his infinite brotherly wisdom, had chosen to make himself scarce when they arrived at the bunker.</p>
<p>Dean wished that he had stayed, because he couldn't get Cas to meet his eyes.</p>
<p>"The angels are back in Heaven," said Castiel abruptly. "There's enough power there now, and I think that we might be able to confront God."</p>
<p>"Swell," said Dean. "Glad to hear it. Hey, you want to talk about --"</p>
<p>"Please, Dean," said Cas. "Don't."</p>
<p>"Screw that," said Dean. "Look, I'm only gonna say this once, so you better remember. What you did -- what <em>we </em>did, man, that -- I would have done <em>anything, absolutely anything, </em>to feel the way you made me feel again. Like a fuckin' drug, <em>Castiel, </em>so if you're having some kind of weird existential crisis about your true form then you can suck it. We've all got things we don't like about ourselves and believe me, I don't <em>care </em>that you're really a thousand-foot monster."</p>
<p>Dean huffed a laugh.</p>
<p>"In fact," he said, suddenly shy. "I thought you were beautiful."</p>
<p>He pointed at Castiel.</p>
<p>"But if you've got some kinda hangup, you gotta work that out," he said, turning tail and snatching up a beer from the table. "If you figure it out, you know where to find me."</p>
<p>He was halfway down the hall before he heard a quiet <em>Dean</em>, but that was all.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>A little while later, there was a knock at Dean's door.</p>
<p>"Come in," said Dean.</p>
<p>The door opened, and Castiel was standing there, looking a little sheepish.</p>
<p>"Never breathe a word of what I said to Sam," Dean told him. "He'd never let me live it down."</p>
<p>"I think you underestimate your brother," said Castiel. "I think he'd be happy for us."</p>
<p>"Oh, so now he joins the conversation," said Dean.</p>
<p>"Did you - mean it? What you said?" asked Castiel. "About me being beautiful?"</p>
<p>Dean nodded, and grinned.</p>
<p>"Yeah," said Dean. "Hell yeah."</p>
<p>"Thank you for rescuing me," said Cas.</p>
<p>"It was all of us, really," said Dean. "My handprint scar, your Bible verse, Jennifer Connelly in <em>Labyrinth.</em>"</p>
<p>Cas tilted his head in confusion. Dean waved him away.</p>
<p>"Nothing," he said. "It's nothing."</p>
<p>"Seems we both have some issues with self-worth," said Castiel.</p>
<p>"Ain't that the truth," said Dean.</p>
<p>His head snapped up and he stared at Castiel.</p>
<p>"Wait a minute," he said. "Did you <em>plan </em>this? As a way to rescue the angels? Bring power back to Heaven?"</p>
<p>Castiel just held his gaze.</p>
<p>But there, in the corner of his eyes, the corner of his mouth, was the hint of a smile.</p>
<p>"You brilliant, beautiful son of a bitch," said Dean in awe.</p>
<p>"If you like," said Castiel, "I would enjoy showing you again. It wasn't <em>all </em>for the war-game."</p>
<p>Dean swallowed.</p>
<p>"Yes," he said, knowing he had just invited a tsunami to drown him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Distantly, the first thing Dean became aware of was the sound of water on a beach.</p>
<p>The slow hiss of sand.</p>
<p>He sat up, finding himself without a stitch of clothing, sitting on a bed in the center of a room with delicate arches overlooking date-palms and the desert, the wide blue sea beyond.</p>
<p>"Dean."</p>
<p>He looked up to see Castiel standing in the doorway, his eyes an unearthly blue. He was barefoot and dressed in some kind of white shift that reminded him of pictures he'd seen of passion plays.</p>
<p>In one hand, he held the jug of oil. In the other, he held a plate of fruit and honey.</p>
<p>He set everything down on a little wooden table beside the bed.</p>
<p>"Where are we?"</p>
<p>Castiel smiled.</p>
<p>"This is my heaven," he said. "I always did love Earth. This is what it looked like, the first time."</p>
<p>"First time?" asked Dean.</p>
<p>"I was there at the building of the world," Castiel explained, standing in one of the arches and looking out at the sea. The sunlight made the lines of his strong body stand out beneath the white shift he wore. "But this was the first time I ever walked among you."</p>
<p>He turned and looked at Dean with a half-smile.</p>
<p>"Humanity," he said. "I fell in love."</p>
<p>"Oh," said Dean, unsure what to say.</p>
<p>He looked down at himself, presented on the bed like a gift to his angel.</p>
<p>Perhaps he was.</p>
<p>"But nothing," Castiel was saying, as he walked toward the bed and pulled the shift over his head and discarded it on the floor, black wings suddenly spreading wide, "made me feel the way you do."</p>
<p>He slid across the bed on his knees, slowly, meeting Dean in the middle.</p>
<p>He took his hands.</p>
<p>"You honor me, Dean Winchester," said Cas. "All of my existence, I have never been so singularly loved."</p>
<p>Dean could feel himself blushing and looked down, embarrassed. What was it about Cas that made him feel so <em>naked?</em></p>
<p>"Look at me, my love," murmured Castiel. Dean looked up, and was struck by the blue in Castiel's eyes, like the sea and the sky behind him.</p>
<p>There was quiet, then, and the sound of the surf.</p>
<p>"Yes, Castiel," said Dean, out of absolutely nowhere.</p>
<p>Suddenly, it was as if a dam had burst, and Castiel reached for the food he had brought.</p>
<p>"Eat," he said, tracing Dean's lips with honey, feeding him a date. Then Castiel kissed him, sucking the sweet honey from his lips.</p>
<p>Dean whimpered and chased after Castiel as he pulled away, but Castiel had gone for the oil now.</p>
<p>The room was filling with that same shining bright feeling, making Dean gasp and float from the bed. Castiel poured out the oil, onto his body, anointing his head, rubbing his hands into it until Dean could feel tears sliding down his skin.</p>
<p>"<em>Cas,</em>" Dean wept. "<em>Castiel.</em>"</p>
<p><em>Holy, holy, holy </em>repeated in Dean's mind as he was mindless, lost in something like an ocean, fathomless and deep, he couldn't possibly understand.</p>
<p>And yet he longed for it with all his being, reached out for it, was absorbed by it and held by it, <em>safe, safe, safe</em> and comforted, and all the while held anchored by Castiel's bright blue eyes.</p>
<p>He didn't know why he'd asked for this again, it was huge and dangerous and he yearned for it with every fiber of his being. </p>
<p>He didn't move. He wasn't sure he could. But that was all right. Castiel would take care of him. Heal him, in ways and places he didn't even know he had.</p>
<p>This time, Cas <em>knew </em>he had time, and he seemed likely to draw this out. He met Dean where he floated gently in the air, with gentle beats of his wings, and then hovered there for a moment drinking in the view.</p>
<p>This time, as Castiel entered him, Dean felt every glorious, sweet moment of pleasure-pain as he was filled. The angel's composure cracked a little, then, as he gasped and his hands tightened in the warm-slick oil covering Dean's entire body.</p>
<p>"<em>Dean</em>," Castiel ground out, a word that meant so many things now, its definitions dancing across Dean's mind like a blade across ice, leaving flecks of snow. <em>Love, devotion, perfect, eternal, beautiful, blessing, need. </em></p>
<p>He heard himself, somehow, murmuring praise and worship, and Castiel basked in it as he moved inside Dean as if he had nothing else to do for the next two hundred years.</p>
<p>Time was different here. As far as Dean knew, it might already be centuries he had spent as Castiel fucked into him lazily, suspended in midair above the bed. <em>Dean </em>no longer had a grasp of anything but the inveterate need to worship the creature before him as he sobbed his own love and devotion in half-formed words.</p>
<p>But Castiel, smiling, captured them all. Dean didn't need to worry. Castiel would make him whole again. Impossibly, endlessly strong, pure and perfect, Dean finally understood the word <em>angel </em>in a way few humans ever did.</p>
<p>He placed the palm of his hand against Castiel's chest and threw his head back as his back arched and he came with an intensity that frightened him, another form of worship and love that Castiel greedily gathered to himself.</p>
<p>The angel just kept going, as Dean sobbed his need and his love in the safety of Castiel's company, only to find himself hard again, and another orgasm ripped through him. He scrabbled at Castiel's chest, but the angel only smiled beatifically and kept moving inside him until Dean was weeping with the sensitivity of it, scraped bare in so many beautiful ways, as this incredible creature stared down at him with an intensity that made him come again, until he was an absolute mess. The last thing he knew, before he blacked out, was that Castiel had never changed his movement or his speed, and seemed content to make it last forever.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Dean came to a while later, vaguely aware that Castiel's cock was still moving inside him.</p>
<p>"<em>Unh,</em>" he moaned, exhausted, weakly raising his arm to Castiel. He had little strength left, and still slick with oil, his hand slipped down to hang in the air, where he was still suspended.</p>
<p>"Beloved," whispered Castiel, moving with that same slow, deep rhythm. "Beloved. Thank you."</p>
<p>"Cas," Dean managed to croak, feeling terror at another orgasm rising unbidden within him. "<em>Cas!</em>"</p>
<p>He came all over himself and sobbed.</p>
<p>"Yes, beloved," said Castiel. "That's it. Beloved. Beloved. Beloved."</p>
<p>Dean's breathing was coming fast now. He couldn't form words. He was awash with so much pleasure and love he was afraid it might kill him, but he couldn't even make Castiel understand it. He was being fucked to total exhaustion by his angel, who didn't seem likely to finish soon. </p>
<p>"Please," Dean begged, licking his lips, his voice hoarse from shouting, his cock hard again. "Please, Castiel."</p>
<p>Cas seemed to get the message and his wings beat the air as he tilted Dean upwards, thrusting up into him with abandon now. Dean's hand curled up near Castiel's chest as he pressed his forehead into the angel's shoulder and felt his cock spasm with another orgasm as he whined against Castiel's heated skin.</p>
<p>"Oh, my love," sighed Castiel, crushing Dean to him as he completely lost himself, pounding into Dean, who was now too weak and exhausted to do anything but hold on.</p>
<p>Dean saw the lightning racing across the water before anything else, and he knew Castiel was close.</p>
<p>"I love you, Cas," Dean managed to get out, and a high-pitched, familiar whine filled the entire world. </p>
<p>Lightning struck the inside of the room, the bed, everything, bright and blue.</p>
<p>"I love you," said Dean again, and Castiel <em>howled </em>his release to the sky.</p>
<p>Panting and sated, Cas gently brought them down to the softness of the bed.</p>
<p>"Rest now, beloved," he said, kissing Dean's sweat-streaked forehead. </p>
<p>Dean's body gave out, and he slept.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dean woke again hours later, when the moon was in the sky and the stars reflected on the water.</p>
<p>Castiel's mouth was on him, and he was warm again with the oil the angel kept rubbing into his skin. Helpless, he arched his back and came again, deep in the heat of Castiel's throat. </p>
<p>Time lost all meaning to him after that. He was only aware of sleep and wakefulness, and even those became intertwined. He understood Castiel's inhumanity now, and was content to let the angel rut into him at will. His mind was untethered, and his consciousness floated, buoyed in the deluge of emotion.</p>
<p>He was immersed deep, so deep he couldn't see the surface, but he did not drown. Castiel was there to hold him.</p>
<p>Cas, for his part, was relentless, pausing only briefly to feed Dean and to let him rest. He frequently woke to the angel inside him, or himself inside the angel, completely removed from all other purpose, all other life.</p>
<p>It was as if Cas needed to express ten years of frustrated longing all at once.</p>
<p>Dean drifted, exhausted beyond human possibility, and let his angel use him in the best ways, over and over again, as he saw fit. He let Castiel make him happy, in every way imaginable.</p>
<p>He was certain, after a while, that he had probably died.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>"Dean."</p>
<p>Dean felt as if he were slowly rising from the deep. Hundreds of tons of heavy dark water, comforting like a blanket, like good memories, like a best friend, washing away.</p>
<p>He didn't want to wake up. This was beautiful, perfect, pure as Purgatory had been but playing on the goodness in him instead of the violence.</p>
<p>So much of that dark part of him felt completely disconnected, left in the past, like it was another person, another life.</p>
<p>He didn't want to remember.</p>
<p>"No, Cas," he protested feebly. "Just a little longer."</p>
<p>And there was Castiel, smiling, Dean's head pillowed on his shoulder.</p>
<p>"Dean," he said, those blue eyes deep and gorgeous like Dean had never noticed them before. "This has been a beautiful, unimaginable gift. But I think your brother will start to worry."</p>
<p>Nothing could snap Dean back into place like Sam.</p>
<p>"You're right," said Dean. "How long've we been here? Cas? You sure Sam hasn't died of old age?"</p>
<p>Cas chuckled, and Dean felt the warm rumble against his cheek.</p>
<p>"Time moves differently here," he said. "We have been here...two or three years, I think."</p>
<p>"<em>Three years?!</em>" yelped Dean, sitting up straight. Castiel gentled him.</p>
<p>"Only for us," he said. "Much like Hell, it runs on its own time. You won't have aged, out there. And it's probably only weeks, for Sam."</p>
<p>"<em>Weeks?</em>" Now Dean was panicking, and hated the feeling of that sweet love and comfort seeping away. <em>"Probably?! </em>Where are my pants?"</p>
<p>"It's all right, beloved," said Cas. "This was -- as humans say -- something of a honeymoon."</p>
<p>Dean stopped freaking out, frozen in the brightness of Castiel's gaze.</p>
<p>"Uh," he said. "You, uh, kinda gotta be married for that, Cas."</p>
<p>Castiel nodded toward the handprint.</p>
<p>"We are bound," he said. "In every way that matters."</p>
<p>Then he smiled again.</p>
<p>"And we can return whenever you like," he said, cutting off Dean's question at the pass.</p>
<p>"Oh," said Dean.</p>
<p>He sat back, shy again despite everything.</p>
<p>"That obvious, huh?" he asked.</p>
<p>"For you, beloved," said Castiel, kissing the top of his head. "Anything."</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>The bunker was quiet, when they returned.</p>
<p>"Damn, I feel <em>awesome,</em>" said Dean, clomping down the staircase with Castiel behind him. "Like after a long vacation or a week at a spa."</p>
<p>"I can assure you that was better than either one of those things," intoned Castiel.</p>
<p>"Cocky, eh," said Dean as they reached the map table.</p>
<p>Castiel just gave him a look that made his knees buckle. He lowered his eyes demurely, and caught Castiel's proud, victorious stance out of the corner of his eye. </p>
<p>"Hi, guys," said Sam, walking into the room. "Back already?"</p>
<p>"Already?" asked Dean. "It's been like, three weeks!"</p>
<p>"More like, over a month," said Sam. "But I'm glad that Castiel took you, uh, <em>elsewhere. </em>Thanks, Cas."</p>
<p>"Of course," said Castiel.</p>
<p>"So I've been doing some research," said Sam. "And get this. The angels are really pissed off. They're on our side, and they're ready to fight."</p>
<p>Castiel nodded. Dean had never noticed how commanding he was before. He shook his head to rid it of cobwebs and the flood of memories that kept threatening to turn him into a puddle on the floor anytime Cas looked his way.</p>
<p>"Dean. Focus," said Castiel.</p>
<p>Sam looked between the two of them.</p>
<p>"Wow," he said.</p>
<p>"What?" demanded Dean.</p>
<p>"Nothing," Sam said. "You guys must've had a <em>great time.</em>"</p>
<p>"Shut up," said Dean, but there was no fire in it. Then he turned to Cas.</p>
<p>"Hey, you know, with the -- handprint thing, and all," said Dean. "How'd you know it would work?"</p>
<p>"I didn't," said Cas. "But I had faith."</p>
<p>"Ain't a lot to go on."</p>
<p>"But I was right."</p>
<p>They stared at each other. A little too long.</p>
<p>"Aw, c'mon," Sam complained. "I <em>still </em>gotta sit through this?"</p>
<p>"Probably forever," said Dean.</p>
<p>"Yes, Sam," said Castiel seriously. "I think <em>forever </em>is an accurate estimate."</p>
<p>Sam sighed in the background.</p>
<p>Dean reached out and took Castiel's hand, grinning.</p>
<p>"All right," he said. "Ready to fight God?"</p>
<p>Sam grinned at both of them.</p>
<p>"Hell no," he said. "But if we're going down, we're going down swinging."</p>
<p>"Amen, brother," said Dean, and the three of them went off to face the end of the world.</p>
<p>Again.</p>
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